When the Holidays Hurt, Navigating Triggers, Grief, & Boundaries While Healing

Holidays often carry an invisible weight for those who are healing from betrayal or relational trauma. What once felt warm or meaningful can suddenly feel loaded with grief, dread, or disorientation. Traditions may now remind you of what was lost, what changed without your consent, or the version of yourself you had to become to survive. Even joyful moments can feel bittersweet—your body remembers before your mind catches up. This doesn’t mean you’re failing at healing. It means your nervous system is still learning what safety feels like in a season that once held a very different story.

Triggers during holidays can arrive quietly or all at once. A familiar song, a family gathering, a place you’ve been before, or even the pressure to “be happy” can activate fear, sadness, anger, or numbness. Your body may respond before you have words—tightness in your chest, exhaustion, irritability, or the urge to withdraw. These reactions are not overreactions; they are protective responses shaped by what you’ve lived through. Healing doesn’t require pushing past them. It begins by noticing them with compassion and allowing yourself to slow down instead of forcing cheer or performance.

This is where boundaries become an act of care rather than separation. Boundaries during the holidays might look like leaving early, skipping events, limiting conversations, or choosing quiet over crowds. They might also include emotional boundaries—declining topics that feel unsafe, stepping away when you’re overwhelmed, or giving yourself permission not to explain your choices. Boundaries are not punishments or ultimatums; they are gentle guardrails that protect your nervous system while you heal. You are allowed to prioritize steadiness over tradition and truth over expectation.

Healing through the holidays is rarely linear or tidy. Some moments may feel surprisingly tender, while others feel heavy or raw. Both can coexist. You don’t need to recreate the past or rush toward a version of celebration that doesn’t fit yet. Healing honors where you are now. This season can be about listening to your body, choosing what feels grounding, and trusting that care—especially self-care—is not selfish. Over time, new meaning can emerge, shaped by honesty, safety, and respect for the journey you’re still walking.

Need more support? Join the Held and Healing group, starting in January on the "Programs" page or book a session with me. I hear you. I see you. I understand.

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