In Held & Healing, we talk about something called “stalled repair.” This is the place many couples land when harmful behavior has stopped or slowed, but true relational safety never fully returns. There may be fewer crises, less chaos, and more functional stability — yet the partner still feels emotionally unprotected, cautious, and alone in her healing. When a man believes that emotional maturity is weakness, repair almost always becomes performative rather than internalized
There’s a belief I hear far too often from partners who are trying to heal after betrayal: that real recovery is unrealistic, that emotionally mature men are “fake,” and that accountability somehow turns men into weak, controlled, or diminished versions of themselves. On the surface, this can sound like personal opinion or frustration. But underneath, this belief system quietly shapes what becomes possible — and impossible — for long-term relational safety. When emotional mat
Holidays often carry an invisible weight for those who are healing from betrayal or relational trauma. What once felt warm or meaningful can suddenly feel loaded with grief, dread, or disorientation. Traditions may now remind you of what was lost, what changed without your consent, or the version of yourself you had to become to survive. Even joyful moments can feel bittersweet—your body remembers before your mind catches up. This doesn’t mean you’re failing at healing. It me
