Working Through Triggers After Being Cheated On

A compassionate reframe for women healing from betrayal trauma

There’s a moment many of us remember. You’re in a room, a conversation, or a seemingly harmless situation—and suddenly your heart is racing, your chest tightens, your mind spirals, and tears well up before you even understand why.

And then comes the second wave—not from the outside world, but from inside of your own mind: “Why am I like this? “Shouldn’t I be over this by now? “I’m too much.”

Let’s stop right there.

What if I told you that your trigger isn’t a sign of weakness? It’s a signal. Your body is telling you something important.

Your Body is Smarter Than You Think

In betrayal trauma, so much of the harm doesn’t happen just in your mind. It lives in your body. When the person you loved lied, betrayed, or manipulated your reality, your nervous system took notes. You may have learned to scan for safety, anticipate danger, or brace for impact without realizing it.

So when something feels familiar—an offhand comment, a glance at a phone, a scent, a tone of voice—your body remembers. Not because you’re broken. But because you are wired to survive.

This is the genius of your body: it sounds the alarm when something feels off. That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.

What Triggers Actually Mean

We use the word “trigger” so often that it’s easy to forget what it really is: A physiological and emotional response to sensed danger, in this case, rooted in betrayal experiences that overwhelm our capacity to cope.

It’s not just being “sensitive.” It’s your nervous system trying to protect you. The problem isn’t that you’re triggered—the problem is that you’ve been through something that deserves a trigger response.

And yet... many women feel shame for having these reactions. Especially if they’ve stayed in the relationship, or are trying to "move on." They think triggers mean they’re doing something wrong.

But healing doesn’t mean never getting triggered again. Healing means learning how to listen to the signals, get curious about what they're pointing to, and respond with care instead of criticism.

What If You Didn’t Shame the Signals?

What if, instead of spiraling into guilt or self-blame, you asked:

• “What did my body just notice?”

• “What feels unsafe or unresolved here?”

• “Is there a need I’ve been overriding?”

• “What part of me is asking for attention or care?”

You don’t have to figure it all out in the moment. But you can begin noticing. With tenderness. With compassion. With time.

That’s what nervous system healing is about in the Healing Her Trauma model. We don’t just work on mindset—we work on what the body is holding.

Because the body remembers. And it deserves to be listened to.

Try This: A Trigger Log

If you’re curious where to start, try keeping a Trigger Log. Not to analyze yourself like a project, but to get to know your body’s signals with curiosity and care. A few prompts you can start with:

• What happened? (Describe the situation.)

• What did I feel in my body?

• What was I thinking or believing in the moment?

• What do I need now to feel grounded or safe?

Over time, this becomes a map of what matters to you. Not a list of problems. A list of truths your body is trying to tell you.

You are not “too much.” You are not behind. You are not broken.

You are a woman whose body is protecting her. Let’s start listening.

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